She will shun you. For the entire day.
Now, this could be a blessing in disguise. Free piece of pizza, and complete silence from the way of volatile/emotional/naggy fatty. Yes, I'm leaning more towards the blessing.

It's cool.

So there was a full moon on Monday, and I wish I had known beforehand (i.e. I wish that I actually looked at a real calendar more frequently...who knows what special days I've missed...). I love watching people and things unfold throughout the day of a full moon, it really is interesting to watch things perform slightly off-kilter. I know that for the past 3 full moons, I've experienced strange events. One time, I should have really gotten in trouble. For bad, bad things. The next full moon, I did get in trouble for very bad things that I would never, ever normally do. Such as have a party at my house while my parents are in Vegas (if you know me, you know it's unusual....and you know that my parents NEVER EVER go ANYWHERE). I thought to myself the entire time that it felt like I was in another dimension and I was another version of myself and so were all of the people around me, and then the next day found out that it had been a full moon the night before when it all took place. The third time was another sort of mess, and one that doesn't happen often. Or ever. Because really, when does one of your friends house sit for a teacher in a gigantic house near beach property and decide to have a party with people that aren't even your usual crowd? And then you end up driving your drunk friend's car home alone and get lost following some random Indian man who was outside his house who just happened to be going the same direction as you needed to be going in at the time you got lost...but you still end up veering away and turning up in a hospital parking lot? Not often. I think it's interesting that we are even connected to the moon. It can either make you feel really big or really small, depending on how you look at it and what your core beliefs are in general. On one hand, you can look at it is a remarkable thing that we could be associated with something so great in comparison to our bodies, and on the other hand you could see it being that we are so small and helpless that we are at the mercy of anything and everything.

Maybe I'm just a lunatic.

so, i have a problem. the problem is that i have an open heart for whiney sceney music and other sad sounds, but i'm a generally happy person. however, im a happy person who is also extremely affected by her surroundings... weather, lighting, atmosphere, people, music.. you know. the works. it is because of this condition that i even spent the entire winter in a coccoon of deep, dark depression. and apparently my coccoon had kitchen space, which also allowed me to eat my way into oblivion (and it's funny because i always thought that winter was my favorite season.....im obviously a glutton for misery).

but yes, this music deal is a bad, bad thing. i can't go more than about an hour without some kind of musical experience in my life. i have to have my ipod and cds in the car, i will actually LEAVE the gym if my ipod dies no matter how long ive been there, and i cant sit in my room at all without music. the catch here is that the bulk of my music is love-related, and in the most sullen of ways. it's all heartbreak and missing someone and wanting what you can't have. i'm in the best relationship of my life right now, and i can't relate to any of my music, and given what it is, i do i want to in any way. i can honestly have absolutely nothing wrong with my life, but then once a song comes on that suggests any type of relationship issues i start to "what if" myself or i start thinking of past experiences that relate and i get upset. i've always regarded music as something that speaks for me but sounds better doing it. my  musical choices are completely emotion-based, and there aren't enough songs that express happiness in the way that i need them to. so what now? sit in silence? make my own music? what the hell?

what do i do?